


As Expected

by Tomboy13



Series: Tomboy’s AgentCorp stories [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Infidelity, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 04:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12926988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomboy13/pseuds/Tomboy13
Summary: This is my first attempt at Fan Fic, and I went straight in with the angst. Please be gentle.I don't own the characters but I do own my grammatical errors.





	1. Chapter 1 - The Angst

Anyone would agree that Lena Luthor was no coward; even among all the hurtful, untrue things people said about her, “coward” would never come up. Stubborn, yes. Manipulative, probably. But coward? Not a chance. That being said, she found herself unable to move a single step forward towards the tatty booth in the dim low lit bar where she was meant to be meeting Alex, unable to even utter a word for fear of being seen, or worse, that moving would make the sight in front of her become true, as she watched the other woman embracing a pretty, dark haired latina with the kind of curves that teenage Lena would have killed for. Maggie fucking Sawyer. And no, not embracing, that was too vague, too innocent - kissing. They were kissing, hard and furious. She was stood in that shit hole, she realised creepingly, being jostled now as a crowd of rowdy men pushed towards the bar, watching her brand new girlfriend playing tonsil hockey with said girlfriend’s ex. Lena blinked, and turned to make her getaway. Maybe she was more of a coward than she’d previously realised, she thought as she hurried to get to the door, nudging past laughing people and spilling more than one drink.  
“Lena! Lena!” A hand grabbed her wrist, and she turned to see Kara, mid-lunge, pulling her back. “I am so sorry I'm so late! There was an emergency at work, but Alex text hours ago to say she was here already so I didn't think you’d mind too much.” The conspiratorial waggling of Kara’s eyebrows was replaced by warm concern at the shell shocked expression on her best friends face. “What's wrong? Has something happened? Has someone said something, because if they have I've got a piece of my mind here they won't have the appetite for-“  
“No, Kara, its not…its…Alex is over there. With Maggie” Lena felt her voice wobble on the Latina’s name, but reined it back in quick enough to continue “I have to go, I'm not really feeling up to a night out today. I'll text you when I get in safe.” As she turned, Lena caught Kara’s confused expression turning to indignation as she caught sight of her sister between the pulsating crowd.  
“Alex what the hell is going-“ Lena heard before she pushed through the door, the brisk night air a welcome change to the heat of the bar. The street was still fairly busy, although emptying quick as commuters hurried home and revellers ensconced themselves in the pubs, clubs and restaurants that littered this neighbourhood.  
Lena stood outside and considered her options. Now she was free of the cloying atmosphere and away from the painful image of betrayal inside, she could think a little more clearly. Part of her, a large and noisy part, wanted to storm back in. It told her to make a scene, enough to make sure Alex knew how unaffected Lena was by the evenings turn of events, but small enough to retain the classy, aloof high ground. That was the Luthor part of her. Another, smaller part of her wanted to jump in the first cab she saw, go back to her apartment, and bawl her eyes out in the company of a bottle of good gin and back-to-back rewatching of her WLW movie collection. That last part, she recognised, was pure Lena. It was the truthful part of her, the little bit that she squirrelled away like a dirty secret, only revealing to a select trusted few. Like Kara. Like Alex.  
The door behind her opened with a little sad jingle, and over her shoulder she heard someone take a breath to speak. Not willing to wait another second, Lena dashed out into the street, her heels clicking up a solid beat, and flagged down a taxi. Only when she was safely inside and the driver was speeding her away to the other side of the city did she dare look back. Kara was standing in the street, her hand still raised to touch her friend’s shoulder, a look of absolute helplessness on her lovely face. 

It had been three months earlier on a Sunday when the first cooling of winter had set in, that Alex had asked Lena out. They'd been walking home together from one of Kara’s girls nights, the first since her friends had gotten back from a mutual friends wedding, and both were feeling foggy from the late night and bucket of wine they'd gone through together. Lena was happy to be out in the fresh air, happy to leave the car that she almost definitely shouldn't be driving the morning after so much alcohol, and surprisingly happy to be alone in Alex’s company. The taller woman had seemed better since the wedding, as though a little of the burden she’d carried since the break up with her fiancé had been lifted, and they'd spent much of the previous night in amicable teasing that almost touched on flirting, which Kara had seemed unusually pleased about. They weren't talking much now though, as they reached the corner where they had to part, both seemingly content to bask in the shallow glow of the early morning sun and the gentle warmth of their acquaintance.  
“So, you're that way.” Alex had said, looking briefly down at her shoes.  
“And you’re that way?” Lena asked, nodding over the woman's shoulder towards the hectic street made up of hipster cafes and converted warehouses.  
“I am.” Alex looked into the middle distance momentarily, giving Lena a chance to notice how beautiful she really was. She’d noticed before of course; she wasn't blind, and had regularly admired the older woman's chiselled jaw line and almond eyes that burned with ice and fire, had even occasionally allowed her eyes to drift over the slightly boyish figure that hinted at sinewy strength. However much she appreciated what she saw though, Lena Luthor was not a fool. She watched the way Alex had looked at the petite detective who had once, in what seemed like another life, arrested her. Lena had seen the love blossoming between the two women, and had drawn a line under her crush before it even got off the ground. Add into that that this was her best friend’s sister, and it was surely a no go. But here, on a gorgeous chill November morning with the sun shining and the slight throb of a hangover lingering on the edge of her vision, with the echoes of laughter from the night before making the colours around her a little brighter, Lena wonders if any of those objections still stand.  
“What are you doing tonight?” Alex asks suddenly. It comes out in a bit of a rush and it takes Lena a few seconds to marshall her thoughts enough to reply.  
“Nothing. I might have a run I guess. Why do you ask?”  
“Come for a drink with me?” There is a hope in those brown eyes and an edge of vulnerability to that confident voice that makes Lena melt a little inside. Outside though, the Luthor is pulling the strings and forms her expression into a seductive half smirk, before she answers that yes of course, she’d love to go for a drink with Alex, assuming she was allowed to choose the establishment. Alex chuckled at the young woman standing in front of her, remembering the first time her sister and her had dragged the wealthy CEO to Bernie’s, their local as they liked to call it. Watching the put together business woman still sporting her pencil skirt and pristine white blouse guzzle lager from sticky pint glasses with the blue collar denizens of down town had been a memory to keep. It had also proven that the youngest Luthor could twist anyone round her little finger if given a little willing, a face to face audience and an open bar tab.  
“I wouldn't expect anything less, duchess” Alex had winked before turning and striding away, leaving her date standing on the corner until long after the imposing woman had disappeared from view.

That was 3 months ago now; 3 months of secretive dinners and late night drinks, and 3 weeks since they had The Talk. Lena swirled the gin in her glass and took a hefty sip, wincing at the cleansing sting. She’d run out of mixer at least 2 top ups ago, but was determinedly ploughing towards the middle of the bottle. 3 weeks had to be a record for her to drive someone away. Before that, they could chalk it down to a bit of fun, a way to ease the tension of their lives with good company and better kisses, but finally, belatedly, Lena had dredged up the courage to tell the woman how she felt. That she didn't want fun; she didn't want to share Alex, wanted her completely and selfishly to herself; that she was falling head over heels and tit over arse for her. And Alex, sweet, kind, brave, brash Alex had held her hands tightly, had cupped her cheek and said that she’d wanted the same. Lena felt her eyes tickle with tears again at the memory, almost able to feel the hands and lips and skin that had been pressed to hers after that confession. They'd tumbled into bed together like a storm that night and given everything up without an ounce of reservation. Lena wasn't prudish about her body. She knew she was a good looking woman. She was however prudish with her trust, and knew from past painful experience that falling into bed with another person, especially when you spent most of your life firmly in the spotlight, was as much an exercise in trust as it was in desire. Lena downed the rest of her drink, almost laughing at that thought. Alex hadn't sold her out at least, hadn't bragged across the internet about being a Luthor’s bedfellow. And maybe that had made Lena over-confident and under-careful. Unbidden, the image of Alex with her hands wrapped around the back of Maggie Sawyer’s neck, pulling her in, trying to get their mouths even closer together, rose into the forefront of her mind. Really crying now, Lena grabbed the now quarter-full bottle and wobbled off the couch. Weaving and stumbling in her stockinged feet, she made it as far as the balcony. The furniture had all been moved into storage ready for the winter weather, so she slumped inelegantly down the double glass doors and onto the floor. Barely managing to lift the bottle, and missing her mouth by an inch each way on the first few attempts, Lena finally managed her Herculean task of finishing the bottle, and promptly, almost gracefully, passed out.


	2. The Visitors

The low winter sun was a blaze of agony as it tipped over the low balcony wall. Lena shut her eyes again and felt the first surge of vomit in her sternum. Leaning over, she threw up thin yellow liquid over the floor, where it ran like water down towards the drain. After the retching had subsided, the next thing she noticed was the cold. She'd been out there for hours in little more than a linen swing dress and thin veneer tights, and now her whole body was wracked with shaking. Groaning, she crawled on hands and knees back into the apartment, and with a great deal of effort and more dry heaving, managed to push the door to. Then she lay on the floor, still shivering, trying to get her body under control. She hadn't been this hungover in a very long time, but a treacherous voice inside her whispered that at least if she was trying to focus on keeping her head on her shoulders and her internal organs in one piece, she wouldn't have time to poke at her broken heart. After what could have been 15 minutes or 2 hours, the quaking in her abdomen stopped and she was able to pull herself up, lurching haphazardly towards the bedroom. Barely conscious of what she was doing, she undressed, slid under the thick duvet and let the shudders take over.

The next time she opened her eyes was slightly less painful. There was a quarter full plastic bin filled with the same yellow bile that now covered her balcony (she couldn't wait to attend to that mess), and a half drunk litre bottle of water she didn't remember getting or drinking next to the bed. There was also, she realised with a start, the sound of someone in her apartment. Quite noisily in her apartment, in fact. Usually she’d be on her feet in seconds, the razor sharp bread knife she kept in her bedside table in her hand, ready to fight or flight. Today, however, everything was moving rather sluggishly. She lay for a few more minutes, wondering if she had the energy to face whatever this new threat was or if, given the constant unyielding stabbing pain behind her left eye, it might not be better just to let the inevitable happen, when she realised that the supposed intruder seemed to have started vacuuming. Lena had a fair wedge of experience these days when it came to potential assassins, and she was quietly confident that they would be inclined to leave any clean up operation until after the deed. Ponderously and with more swearing and occasional dry heaving than she would care to admit, Lena dragged herself from the bed and into a clean set of worn, tattered pyjamas. They were her “comfort pyjamas”, brought when she lived briefly in London, and going threadbare at the crotch and under the arms. They had Pudsey Bear on them. Clutching her head and tottering on tip toes over the cold parquet floor, she gingerly opened the bedroom door, smiling ruefully at the sight that lay before her. Kara Danvers, wonderful, sunny Kara Danvers, half on and half off the sofa on her knees and trying to vac up…something. Lena wasn't sure what it was she was going over and over on the antique leather, Lena dreaded to think given that she couldn't remember, but hearing the half mumbled curses from her best friend was comforting. Turning off the plug, she saw Kara turn with a confused expression, and briefly wondered why she couldn't have fallen in love with this Danvers instead.  
“Lena you’re up! I didn't mean to wake you, I just wanted to tidy the place up a bit so that you didn't have to face a bomb site in your state, but geez you worked a number on this place. I don't even know what this is, but it's dried in.” The blonde grimaced, scrunching up her nose “and do not even get me started on the balcony. I've got the worst of it up but you're going to have to sort the rest out, it was pretty grim.”  
Lena shuddered. “Kara, darling, what are you doing here?”  
“Well you weren't answering your phone - it was dead by the way, I've plugged it in next to the kettle - and I know I was only meant to use my access for emergencies but well this seemed like it.” Kara waved her thumb at Lena; she’d been given access months ago to Lena’s apartment on the thumb-print scanner and at security after a slight and brief kidnapping incident, but had been self restricting herself from using it at every turn.  
“Kara,” Lena said in a mildly exasperated tone, “you can let yourself in whenever you feel like it. I like having you here.” Kara smiled weakly at her, inclined her head, and went back to rubbing at the dried on smear with the business end of the silent vacuum.  
“Kara, thank you for doing this, but seriously leave that now. Come here and talk to me.” Lena slid onto one of the seats at the kitchen island and patted the stool next to her. Kara slunk over and sat down, playing with her fingers on the granite surface. “What's wrong love? You only get this efficient when something's up; you can tell me, I always want to help.”  
Kara looked up but didn't raise her head. “What's wrong with me? I should be asking how you are Lena, not the other way round. After what my sister did” the older woman sighed morosely “ I can imagine what your feeling. I thought you might not want to see me.”  
Lena wanted to laugh at that. “Kara, I am feeling terribly hurt, and terribly let down, but that has no bearing whatsoever on our friendship. You are my best friend.” She ran a hand through her tangled black hair, wincing as her stomach gave a lurch. “Although I should tell you that I am feeling so hungover I want to take my liver out and rinse it under the tap. I rather let myself down last night after…what happened happened.”  
Kara reached out a tentative hand and laid it on her arm. “She didn't mean it you know.”  
There was a heavy pause, both women searching the others face for an indication of how to move this forwards.  
“What do you mean? How can you say that, really? This wasn't a quick peck Kara. It was quite clear what direction that was headed before I left.” The bitterness had entered Lena’s voice, and she made no move to hold it in. Kara was her closest ally, and she wouldn’t hide from her.  
“It headed to me having to take them both home, blackout drunk, about half an hour after you left. Alex wouldn't stop crying from the minute I broke them apart until the minute she passed out at mine. She’d sobered up a bit by the time I left to come see you but she feels so bad for what happened, she couldn't look me in the eye. And Maggie made it quite clear she regretted everything - she never wanted to come between you two, if that counts for anything.”  
Lena pulled her arm away. “Maggie? If they were black out drunk last night, when did you manage to get a coherent sentence out of Maggie?”  
Kara shifted awkwardly, a look of regret flitting across her face as she realised her error “it's honestly not what you think. I couldn't just take her home and leave her there, anything could have happened! I had to bring her with us and let her stay over, I didn't have a choice. You'd have done the same.”  
Lena felt her bottom lip wobble as behind her eyes she watched the slideshow of everything that could have happened while Alex and Maggie were alone at her best friend’s apartment. She hung her head in her hands and groaned.  
“Lena please, please listen” Kara sounded in an outright panic now “she loves you, Alex loves you. She wants to be with you, just you. Please don't let this put an end to you guy’s future together. I'm sorry for what I said, don't hold that against her because of me.”  
Lena let her hands drop to Kara’s knees, and leant her full weight on them, knowing her friend could take it. Slowly and deliberately, she raised her face until she was looking directly into the reporter’s blue eyes. “Kara, whatever this is that's going on right now is for me and Alex to deal with. It's for us to fix or, if we can't, to put aside. I don't need you here on behalf of your sister, and I guarantee she won't need you there as my advocate. So I'm going to ask you this once and once only, and if you don't think you can do it then I won't blame you for leaving. All I want, just for tonight, is to forget about our baggage, about all our fucked up shit, our relationship car crashes, everything. Let's just sit on my crusty couch, and watch some Quentin Tarantino movies because I think we could both do with watching some people get shot in the face, and just forget about it all.”  
Kara bit her lip, scratching her hand over her scalp. The tears that had been forming on the bottom set of eyelashes were held there, poised to come rushing out at any minute, but she nodded smiling, glasses slipping down her nose a smidge with the motion. “I can do that. But I'm putting a throw on your manky couch, Lena, it's gross.”

Kara left the next morning after a breakfast of leftover takeaway and strong coffee. Lena waved to her as she went, still in those Pudsey pyjamas, feeling like Kara was taking some of the weight with her. Ambling around the apartment clearing cups and plates into the sink, she eventually meandered into the shower, letting the almost scalding water wash away the invisible film left by the stale gin and sorrow of the last 24 hours. At times, Lena felt her mind tip dangerously close to the memories of Friday night, or happier times with her lover, but with a bit of determination she managed to steer herself clear of those rocks for the better part of the morning. She didn't even check her phone, deciding that a weekend away from everything and everyone might be what she needed to re-Centre herself. She’d read an article about It before, in one of those women's magazines they put in doctors surgeries and hairdressers, the need to take a vacation from the technological world to find yourself again. Which was why, when the door was rapped at 1 o’clock that afternoon, she wasn't in the slightest expecting it. Putting the book down carefully to save the page, she stood on tip toes to look through the peep hole. There, magnified to unnatural proportions by the misshapen glass, stood Alex. It was as if the dam had been pulled away all of a sudden, swallowing all the man made certainty that Lena had been crafting since the night before in one black deluge.  
“Lena?” Alex’s voice was not the right voice. Gone was the confident warmth that brokered no argument. In its place was a delicate, wafer thin thing, like the sound of a butterfly wing that is terrified of being ripped. “Lena please let me in. Kara said you were here. I just…I just want…”  
Suddenly furious, the CEO wrenched the door open. Alex started, seemingly losing her train of thought.  
“You wanted what?”  
The look shifted from shock to pain in barely a second. “To talk. To explain. Please, I just need to explain.”  
Lena forced her face into a boardroom wither, eye brow raising. “Oh Alex, there's no need to explain. I'm 25 years old and this is hardly my first ride on the merry-go-round, I know very well what was going on on Friday night.”  
Alex seemed to steel herself and stepped in, sliding over the threshold and round her petite girlfriend in one movement. Lena sighed theatrically and closed the door.  
“You have 5 minutes, and then I'm calling security.”  
“It was a mistake.” Alex began without hesitation, seemingly determined to make the most of her allotted time. “It had been such a terrible day, I’d been to Greer’s funeral, we’d both been to Greer’s funeral, and it was so hard Lena. Her wife was there with this great pregnant belly just poised to pop, and her parents were crying, and all I could think of was getting out of there and getting to you. To hold you and just make sure you were safe. But I couldn't, because I knew you had the meeting with the French investors, and your secretary wouldn’t have let me within 200 yards of you until that deal was in the bag.” Tears had begun to fall now, not the kind of cinema pretty tears that Lena would have expected from someone who looked like Alex, but genuine, ugly streaks down both cheeks that tugged at heart strings a handful at a time. “And then Maggie and some of the guys said they were going for a few drinks after the wake, so I thought ‘yeah, why not, I'm meeting the gang at 7 anyway, it's just a few hours’. But everyone had to buy their round, and there were shots, and gradually everyone drifted off home until it was just me and Mags. We got to talking about Greer’s marriage, about the baby that's on the way that’ll never know one of its mothers, and I just broke down. I just broke down because all I've been able to think about since the first night i spent with you is having all that, the marriage and the babies and the house outside of town, and I know it's too early to say it but it's true. And then we had some more drinks and things get sketchy. I know Maggie was asking if I'd wanted the same when she was with me, and if I thought about her sometimes, and I…I just couldn't lie Lena, I couldn't do it, so I said yes but-“ Alex fell back against the door with a crack, 125 pounds of brunette pressing into her, pressing lips onto her mouth, hands on her neck, shoulders, waist, hips, belly. Wrapping her hands harshly into auburn hair, Lena tugged until her lover’s neck was fully exposed, rasping cruelly against the skin “You told her you missed her? Is that what this was Alex? Every time you let me get on my knees for you, that was what you were thinking about? Were you thinking about her when you touched me?” Scratching hard down the skin she found on the other woman’s lower back, basking in the sound of enjoyment that broke forth from her partner’s lips, Lena whispered “Don't worry, i’ll get you your goodbye fuck, but I want you to know that I'm going to mark you, so that she knows where you went when you left her bed. I hope she hates you for it.”  
The woman flush against her froze; grabbing her arms and yanking them back, Alex held Lena away from her body and looked square into green eyes that were oscillating wildly now between anger, lust and sorrow. “Are you kidding? Is that why you think I'm here?”  
Lena pulled away harshly, and all but spat out “I don't know why you think you’re here! I let you have so much of me, Alex, and you knew how hard that was for me to do! I trusted you, I would have made a life with you if you'd let me, but you went and threw it all back at your bloody ex girlfriend!”  
The silence that descended was thick and sharp, layered with feeling like rock strata. It stretched out between the 2 women, until neither could manage moving even an inch closer.  
“I didn't sleep with Maggie.” Alex whispered, enunciating each syllable.  
“Christ this is like telenovela.” Lena bristled, wishing beyond reason that she was made up in her office garb rather than jeans and bare face, if for nothing else the confidence it lent her. “I get it, I really do - you were upset and she was there, someone you clearly still have a lot of feelings for, and you ‘accidentally’ made out. Even if you didn't jump into bed together, why do you think I would want to build a relationship based on that? I'm a grown woman, Alex, and I've had people trying to kill me or maim me or kidnap me 6 times this year already. I don't want or need more drama; I don't want someone who simply can't keep their hands to themselves around other women.”  
Alex flinched visibly. Lena knew then that she was being cruel for the sake of being cruel, but a mix of self preservation, anger and aching gaping pain pushed her on. “You’re not the only person who has shown an interest in me you know. If you aren't willing to go all in for me, move out of the way and I'll get someone else who is.”  
With every second that passed after that, Lena wanted to bite it back, to take the hateful words back in. She could see they'd hit there mark; could see by the clench in Alex’s jaw and the welling brown eyes. But it was too late, and she was too prideful. When the door closed, she almost missed the quiet “I wanted to be all in for you”.

Monday was a hard day. By 3pm, the headache that she’d briefly escaped on Sunday morning was running ten fold, an almost crippling humming in her ears that made for intense relief when the final conference call signed off. Sighing and covering her eyes to shield from the harsh man made lighting, Lena swung her chair towards the floor to ceiling window’s that covered one entire wall of her old office in L-Corp. Sam had been very good about letting her share the office for the day, deliberately avoiding asking the pertinent question while casting concerned glances over at her younger friend. Sam had had to run off at 2pm to take Ruby to the dentists, and Lena was glad to finally have some alone time. The sky outside was dark and the clouds looked poised to thunder; it matched her mood perfectly. The last conversation she’d had with Alex, the pretence with Kara, the damn scene that started it all, they kept replaying in her head every unguarded second. Even the good memories now ran to the soundtrack of her insecurities, until they were warped into unseemly lies and half truths.  
Behind her the door banged open, and she heard her secretary say “Miss Luthor the detective has asked-“  
A familiar and unwelcome voice responded “Thank you, please close the door on your way out, I need to talk in private to Miss Luthor.”  
Lena turned round and nodded to the startled PA. She felt quite sorry for the woman, a temp covering maternity leave for her regular right hand, who would have known better how to handle the police (practice makes perfect, Lena allowed bitterly). As the door closed, she turned to Maggie and said convivially “I hope you have a warrant for this detective.”  
Maggie put her hands on her shapely hips. “You're a fucking idiot, do you know that?”  
Lena’s smile didn't drop, but her eyes grew colder. “Detective Sawyer, I have no intention of discussing Agent Danvers with you. If you're here on legal business, I shall call the on duty lawyer, but if not, please feel free to get the hell out of my office.”  
“Look, Luthor, i get it, I'm the last person you want to talk to about this. I can see that you're trying your damn hardest to hold the urge to knock me on my ass right now, and I respect that. But you have got to listen to me. That woman loves you. She is in love with you Lena. Do you understand that? She's at her place right now in pieces because she was all set building a future with you in her mind’s eye, building a life where she's happy - where she makes you happy - and she thinks that in one stupid moment which she barely even remembers, she's torn it all down.”  
Lena glowered. “She called you didn't she? When she left me?”  
The Latina rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ, yes she called me. You might not have noticed but she doesn't have a lot of people; she doesn't open up to anyone easily, and she couldn't call her sister because Kara's acting like she's drowned a whole bag of kittens, so she called me. And I went because…” Maggie deflated a little, running her hands over her makeup free face. Lena felt her animosity deflate a touch at the action. “I went because I love her. Because I'm in love with her. And I'm here for the same damn reason.”  
“You're here because you love her? Are you here to tell me to leave town Detective?” Lena asked sarcastically. “Because you may have been joking about me landing you on your ass but I swear to god I'll give it a good go if you are.”  
“I'm here because she loves you, and if your reaction is anything to go by you feel the same way about her. You can give each other things that we, me and her, couldn't have together. If you throw that away over a drunken kiss, then you are not the woman I thought you were.”  
The standoff continued for a few moments, the two women never breaking eye contact as the gears whirred in each their heads. Lena probed the great hollow chasm that had reopened inside of her over the weekend; the chasm that her time with Kara Danvers had begun to fill, and her few short months with Alex had closed completely. She felt the jagged edges with her minds tongue. Knew, from the feel and the smell of what lurked in that chasm that this damned woman was right. Pride fought against her less masochistic emotions, eyes never leaving Maggie’s own.  
“Well Detective,” Lena said, pointedly closing her laptop without shutting down any of the running programmes, and picking up her worn leather handbag. “I will ask Stephanie to show you out. I really must insist that the next time you appear in my office it had better be with a valid warrant, or you won't find me so civil.” As she walked past, swaying deliberately across the polished floor, she drew to eye level with the smaller woman, having to stoop slightly to accommodate for the four and a half inch red leather heels. Maggie jutted her chin up, unblinking under the Luthor’s penetrating stare. “Thank you for your time.” Maggie blinked, mouth dropping slightly, clearly not expecting such civility. As she walked away, Lena allowed herself a smirk at having the last word over such an obvious rival. Maggie fucking Sawyer indeed, she thought to herself.


	3. The Now

Lena sat on the peeling metal bench and watched Kara chase around the baby. Although, she had to admit, baby didn't quite fit the bill any more. The youngest child was a few months away from turning 2 now, and starting to speak, starting to potty train. Soon the curve of Lena’s belly where it was starting to distend would be another, more literal baby. She laid her hand on it, and called across the playground “right, kids, it's time to go.” Vera turned and poured and it was oddly similar to Kara's even though they looked nothing alike, Vera with her shock of red hair and green eyes. Narrowing her own in calculation, she wondered if maybe letting Vera spend quite so much time with her auntie was such a good idea.  
“You're ganging up on me, again.”  
Kara laughed and swept the baby up above her head, the toddler’s giggles filling the air “five more minutes, and I promise we’ll go. We haven't been on the swings yet.”  
Lena looked mock stern. “5 minutes then, and then we’re going home before it gets dark and this place gets riddled with muggers.”  
Kara laughed again, probably assessing in her head how worried about muggers they needed to be when one of them could punch through concrete.  
Lena sighed happily and tilted her head towards the overcast sky. It was times like this, as the year wound down and with the new life brewing inside of her, that she allowed herself to think of that past. She remembered now the way Alex had looked during that long, difficult conversation. They'd broken up; of course they'd broken up. The hurt feelings, the painful memories, all of it so raw, none of that would have made a foundation for what they wanted. There had been no shouting this time, no desperate or unkind words. Honest words, which hurt just as much maybe, but not unkind. They'd held each other's hands as they'd promised that they'd stay friends (they hadn't, not really) and that there was no resentment there (there was, a little). And then, they'd moved on. Life had carried on. Aliens had kept attacking, the businesses had kept growing, and falling, and needing a heavy hand. She'd seen Alex a handful of times over the next few years, always with Kara at her side, and they'd been pleasant and cordial and never, ever reminisced about what could have been. Because that was the secret really, wasn't it? Lena opened her eyes and watched her youngest child, a child she had made right here between her pelvis and her rib cage, try and climb Kara as if she was a long-limbed tree. You had to keep moving forwards; going backwards helped no one. “You glance in the rear view mirror Lena, but it's the road in front of you you need to keep your eye on”, Maggie Sawyer had told her not that long ago. She smiled to herself. Maggie fucking Sawyer, it turned out, had a lot of good wisdom that she passed around like sweets. Some terrible wisdom, too, but some gems in between. It was working out what was diamond and what was shite that was the tricky part. A few years ago, Maggie had followed her wife, a paediatrician who had decided early on in her career that kids were best kept a minimum of 2 people removed after seeing the myriad of ways a small human can land themselves in hospital, across the country to a little place in the back of beyond, and only got in touch now once or twice a year, usually to complain that she didn't get to arrest enough Luthors in Alabama. They were friends, of a sort, although Lena would rather set herself on fire than admit that to the little smart ass.  
“Ok I’m calling it; get your coat on Vee, time to go home. Mom will be back soon.”  
Busying herself with getting the child wrapped up in coats and hats and making sure that both her, Vera and Kara hadn’t forgotten something, she let herself think of the time that had passed since the night she’d walked away from Alex’s apartment without looking over her shoulder (until she got into the elevator and allowed herself 30 seconds of hysterical tears). 8 years had passed since then; she was 33 now, a wife and mother, still an incredibly successful CEO, and still, not to put too fine a point on it, alive; if anyone had told her that night that this was where she’d be in 8 years, she would have laughed in their face. Or cried in their face, probably.  
At the little hatch back car Lena had taken to driving, the small child was bundled into the child seat and the mass of bags that Lena, like most parents, dragged everywhere were shoved in the passenger seat. Kara leaned in for the traditional parting hug, asking “So I'm still ok to have her on Friday night?”  
Lena laughed. “Kara, you're doing me a favour! If you're still ok to have her, I'll drop her off about 6.”  
Kara practically skipped with joy. It never ceased to amaze Lena how lucky she felt to have this woman in her and her children's lives. Kara Danvers was an ever present constant in the murky sea of life, and not a day went by when Lena wasn't grateful for the day they'd met.  
The drive home was slow, they’d left it too late and hit the rush hour traffic. Vera was asleep within minutes, lulled by the engine noise and the hum of the radio. Lena breathed relief; the little one hadn't been sleeping, and they'd hardly had a full nights sleep for over a week, leading to the bickering and flare ups that become part of the landscape for any long term relationship.  
She somehow managed to get both the sleeping child and bags up the driveway without dropping either, and as she lay Vera prone in the travel cot that stood permanently in the living room for just these emergencies, she fist pumped at another win. She thought about getting dinner on but her wife hadn't texted to say she'd left work yet, and she couldn't risk another microwave spoiled disaster. Besides that, if left to her own devices, Lena knew that she’d lean towards the grease end of the spectrum, as she had done throughout her entire pregnancy with Vera; that combined with the hideously long work hours she’d still been trying to keep had led to the gain of more than a few pounds of baby weight that was only just getting shifted. She didn't like thinking about how it had made her insecure and stand offish, or how at one point she had point blank refused to take her top off with the lights on for over a month, but she did like to remember how when she finally got the courage to ask her beautiful wife, tearfully and with insecurity hanging in every word, if despite the weight and the stretch marks and everything she was still attractive, the woman had looked at her like she had lost her mind and said in a warm voice “Lena, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, inside and out. You were stunning before you had Vee, and you are even more so now. Everything about you is breath taking”. In spite of this, for her own sanity, Lena was determined not to go down that route with this second child, still jogging and swimming every day, and staving off the worst of her cravings. So instead of the temptation to raid the larder, she sat down on the soft fabric couch, turned on the TV and tried to keep the sleep deprivation of the last few days at bay. As she fought to keep her eyes open, Lena wondered again at the feeling she now held right at the core of her. Where once there had been the aching chasm longing to be filled by other people, by friends and lovers and kind words, now there was just a small scar, barely even a fissure, and so mossy and grassed over as to be barely visible. It had taken time to fill that hole, and she’d had to do it herself. That was the only way, she’d known, to be certain that a proper, permanent solution had been input, and although it had been arduous, she wished she’d done it years before. Now, on top of where the chasm used to be, sat the round smooth stone of contentment. The contentment, she was happy to say, had been more of a team effort. It was built from jobs well done, on ensuring her employees were well looked after; bolstered by countless games nights and movie nights and talks with friends who were more like family, and the exercise regime she built into her days to stave off the moment that things became overwhelming. It was shored up at the weak spots with good books and terrible films and laughter so hard her eyes would Water. The veneer though, the rock hard veneer that kept everything in place, was family: her relationship, the trust and respect and combined hope that it spawned, and her children, that beautiful funny girl, and the new life stewing inside of her.  
It had been hard at first to fall in love again. It had been 3 years after The Incident, a roller coaster full of peaks and troughs of forgetting, remembering and eventually letting go, of starting again, of completing herself so that no matter what happened, or with who, she would stand solid, alone. Nevertheless, the day that she had spontaneously asked her old flame for a date, even after those 3 years, had felt like a terrifying risk. Now, 5 years on, there wasn't a scrap of regret at the gamble.  
~

Alex stood in the doorway of their comfortable house in the suburbs and listened to the silence, wondering if her wife was home or whether Kara had dragged them for pre-dinner ice cream again. As Aunts went, her sister was an amazing one, but Alex was genuinely concerned that as Vera and her little brother or sister got older, Kara was going to become the weak link in any kind of discipline. On the other hand, this wasn't a high price to pay to know that her wife and children would forever be under the metaphorical wing of an honest to God super hero.  
Kicking off her work boots, she padded across the dark wood floor the short distance to the kitchen-come-living room. She’d been surprised when they'd first gone hunting for a family house that Lena didn't opt for something more palatial, falling for a detached new-build not even the size of Sam’s, but when queried Lena had simply shrugged and said “Darling, between your job and my family, I'd rather not have a house where I'm bathing the kids on one side while an entire robot army are breaking in unnoticed at the other end.”  
Rounding the corner, the agent stopped dead in her tracks, a smile appearing as she took in her wife of 4 years sprawled across the couch, asleep and with just a spot of drool trickling down her chin in an almost identical position to her baby daughter, a few feet away in her soft travel cot. Somedays, she had no idea how she got to this place, how one person should be allowed so much happiness. She felt, often, that her mistakes were a tower of blocks that she stood atop, cringing every time they wobbled, waiting for the day that all this joy, this wonderful life she’d been given by the woman who loved her, the family who had picked her up over and over, all that would be snatched from her. She’d spoken only once about it with Lena, a few months before their first wedding anniversary, on the night that they'd first talked seriously about having a child together. Lena had listened, and nodded, and then with barely a pause said “We can't change our mistakes Alex; I can't change things I've done In the past any more than you can. We can only change how we act now, how we act in future.” That felt like a lifetime ago, she thought as she picked the child up, wincing slightly at the pain that still darted through the spot on her abdomen where she’d gotten shot just before their second wedding anniversary. Moving to the couch, she remembered lying in agony on a stretcher, blood making her hands slippy, and hearing Lena’s voice, scared and younger-sounding than she remembered, telling her in no uncertain terms that if she died and left the woman with a baby to raise alone, Lena would find wherever her wife went to afterwards and kill her all over again. Knowing her lover as she knew her now, Alex wasn't entirely sure that wasn't true. Alex slid onto the settee, moving her wife's feet into her lap and repositioning the baby onto her chest. Neither stirred. She rested her hand on the bump where their next child was forming, and allowed herself to relax. They were safe. They were loved. Hell, Alex was loved by them although she was never sure if she really deserved it. She thought back to a night 8 years ago, when she knew, knew beyond all necessary proof, that this was the end. That night, she’d looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, whiskey bottle stood half done on the side of the bath, and had an epiphany. “If you aren't happy, if this isn't working for you anymore,” she'd asked her reflection out loud, “why are you still doing it? What do you want, Danvers?”. That was the last night she’d had a drink since, apart from a New Year 4 or 5 years ago where she’d decided to test the water and ended up drinking 7 boiler makers and accusing her mother of cheating at Jenga (she was quietly confident that her mother had been cheating at Jenga, but that wasn't the point). She hadn't done it for Lena, really, or at least not the Lena she was in love with back then. She’d done it for the family she wanted in the future, and for the imaginary woman she hoped to make happy as part of that (she would never cease being amazed that Lena had turned out, years later, to be that woman). She’d done it because how could she make anyone happy, let alone herself, if all she saw when she looked in the mirror were her mistakes?  
She’d grown with it, over time. Grown into her new self, become more forgiving of her human errors, and less apologetic for her hopes and wishes. Kara had helped a lot in that, and Maggie, although they’d grown apart as friends over the years. She still spoke to her ex a few times a year, got the odd angry phone call when Claire had pissed her off, or, more often than not when Maggie had pissed Claire off but was being too stubborn to admit it. Alex liked Claire very much, and she liked how good she was to Maggie. Then there had been a night over the last summer when Alex was away on Earth-whatever number it was now with Kara and the super friends, and Vee had gotten sick, a violent fever that lasted days. Lena, in a panic and unable to get in touch with Eliza, had called Claire at 1 in the morning in tears. The doctor had stayed on the phone all night, even during the wait in the Emergency room, and then they'd both turned up the next day having driven all the way from Ass-End Alabama to make sure Lena wasn't alone. Alex hadn't forgiven herself yet for that, but it did swell her with comfort to know how many people had her and her family’s back.  
“You’re home.” Lena was stretching, her top riding up to display that lovely pale belly. Alex ran a hand over it, feeling the same awe as always that this had given her the most precious gift, their baby girl.  
“I am.” She pulled the shorter woman up and into her body, moving the baby to the other shoulder to allow her to snuggle the pale expanse of neck that she so enjoyed. Lena sighed happily, moving her head to make sure everywhere got attention. “You looked so peaceful asleep, I couldn't stand to wake you.”  
“We should get up anyway, or Lady Jane won't sleep again tonight.”  
“Two more minutes.”  
“One and a half.” Lena chuckled. “Oh, your sister said she can still have Vee on Friday, so me and baby number 2 are taking you to dinner.”  
“Is that so?” Alex asked, a smile in her tone.  
“Yep. And then you can bring me home and remind me why I married you.”  
“Sweetheart, we didn't need Kara to babysit for me to fix the car.”  
Lena snorted “No offence, darling, but if I ever see you anywhere near my car with so much as a screwdriver again, I'll taser you. It'll save a lot of pain in the long run.”  
Alex’s laughter was the final straw that woke her daughter. “Mmmm-mm?” The little girl asked with bleary eyes.  
“Mom’s here angel. Let's let your moma wake up a bit, eh? You can help me sort out dinner.”  
The two women shared a quick kiss, and the room filled with noise again as the family came to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was stressful.


End file.
